Trigger warning: This article contains mentions of drug abuse.
Billie Lourd woke up feeling sad on the day that would have been her mother, Carrie Fisher’s 68th birthday. On October 21, The Ticket to Paradise actress took to Instagram to celebrate her late mother’s birthday and penned an emotional tribute in her memory. The post featured a throwback picture of Fisher blowing candles over her birthday cake next to a younger Lourd smiling and watching over.
“My mom would’ve been 68 today. Dead person birthdays are weird, to say the least,” she wrote in her caption. “On my mom’s birthday every year, I try to celebrate her as much as possible, but today I really wanted to celebrate her with her,” she added.
Lourd noted that every year on Fisher’s birthday, the grief hits her differently. One year, it gave her warmth or anger, and some years, she felt numb. However, this year she felt a void and wished her mother was with her. “Today when I woke up I just felt sad. I didn’t want to celebrate, I just wanted my mom,” she wrote.
When the grief of losing her mother “bodysnatched” her, she googled the average age of death for women in America, and the average answer was 80.2 years, as per the CDC. “My mom died when she was 60. 60 is too damn young to die,” the actress wrote in her caption.
According to the Star Wars actress’ toxicology report, her death was caused by sleep apnea, atherosclerotic heart disease, and “drug use.” Despite Lourd’s every effort, she could not help her mother get rid of her addiction issues. However, while she was alive, she always bared her heart about the ups and downs of the struggle to her “ in hopes it would help them escape their own addiction,” Lourd added.
“As an addict, being open about the struggle is the only way through. And the same goes for those of us affected by that struggle,” she wrote. She concluded her post by sending love to anyone who has lost a loved one to drug addiction. “You are not alone,” she wrote with a red heart emoji.
